Throw Out the “Social Hierarchy” Mentality

Those who we typically perceive as “high value” (like CEOs, celebrities, athletes, politicians, good-looking people, etc.) we place at the top of our social hierarchy, while those we typically perceive as “low value” fall to the bottom of our social hierarchy (like the homeless, or the unemployed, or people who aren’t typically considered “attractive”).

However, when we view others through these social hierarchies, it often inhibits ourselves from connecting with certain people in a healthy and meaningful way.

This is because when we pass a judgment on others of what we perceive their value to be, we are simultaneously comparing ourselves (and our own perceived value, or self-worth) compared to that other person.

If you perceive someone as having extraordinarily high value, then you must automatically see yourself as somehow inferior when compared to this other person. And this perceived difference in value can then cause you to act and think in maybe desperate and needy ways so that you can “prove yourself” to the other person.

And if you perceive someone as having extraordinarily low value, then you must automatically see yourself as somehow superior when compared to this other person. And this perceived difference in value can then cause you to act and think in maybe cruel or mean ways because you don’t see the other person as “on your level.”

From both standpoints, these social hierarchies can hurt how we connect with people. Because we are constantly seeing ourselves as “above” or “below” certain people, without just approaching them as equal individuals.

A much better alternative is to try your best to see everyone as equals regardless of their perceived “social status.” Because at the end of the day, “value” is a subjective thing. What is valuable to one person may not be what is valuable to someone else.

Maybe someone doesn’t value nice cars, fancy clothes, and a big mansion, but they do value being nice toward others and working hard. Society may tell you they aren’t as “valuable” a person because they don’t have as much success, money, or fame, but they are just as worthy of respect as anyone else.

And, most importantly, they might be just as good of a friend to you as anyone else.

According to a recent study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology it was discovered that, when looking at romantic couples, many individuals preferred their partners’ “unique value” as a person, rather than their “social value” or “consensus value” (how others perceived them).

In other words, when we fall in love with someone or build a deep connection with someone, we often fall in love with what makes them a unique individual (their quirks and bizarre personality traits), rather than their perceived “status” or “value” to society at large.

It’s important to remember that what we value in other people is often subjective. What you like in one person, another person may dislike. And what you dislike in one person, another person may like.

This is why what society – or other people – say you “should” like, isn’t always who you may actually like. And that’s fine.

Relationships are a lot like a puzzle – we all have our own shape and rough edges that make us unique, but it’s about finding the people who “fit” with you and your life.

This is why you shouldn’t think about where people fit in these fictional “social hierarchies,” but rather how they fit with you at a “personal level,” because that’s what really matters. And those are the types of relationships that are going to make you most happy.

Throw out the social hierarchy mentality: People are just people

My recommendation is to try your best to throw out this “social hierarchy” mentality that often divides us – to gradually put less emphasis on it – and try to view people as just people.

We have much more in common with others than we think. And by being less judgmental of others (and ourselves) based on these social hierarchies, we begin to see and treat everyone as potential equals. And that can create a world of benefit for everyone.

In other words, it shouldn’t really matter whether you are talking to someone who is really rich vs. someone who is really poor, or someone who is really good-looking vs. someone who is really ugly, or someone who is really popular vs. someone who isn’t well known at all.

Every individual deserves the same amount of attention and respect, and there’s no real reason to be feel too different (or anxious or nervous) about talking to one person vs. another.

For example, a socially anxious guy may see a really hot girl at a bar and think “She’s really out of my league. Why would she even want to talk to me? There’s no point in even trying to talk to her.” But this is just another type of social hierarchy that stands in our way.

If you can see everyone as equal, then there’s nothing “special” about one person over another. What’s the real difference between talking with a “hot girl” at the bar or just an “old lady” asking for your help at a store?

They are just a person. They just want to be happy. They just want to be respected, and liked, and appreciated. And they just want to enjoy their life like everyone else. They aren’t that different. It’s only your mind that’s creating that artificial division.

At the end of the day, we share many of the same wants and desires. And we share many of the same fears and worries too.

When I find myself thinking that a person is “superior to me” or “too good for me.” – I always remind myself that this person is probably just as confused, insecure, and afraid of the world as I can be. I try to imagine back to when they were a child, and they really didn’t know anything, and they were just trying to make sense of their world like everyone else.

Those are natural human fears and worries that we all go through, and no one – regardless of their perceived “social status” – is immune to those fears and worries. Recognizing this helps to humanize everyone you meet, because you’re reminding yourself that no one is “perfect” or a “God.” People are just people.

When you begin to see and treat everyone as equals, it’s much easier to start building relationships left and right. Your social circle grows and grows, because you no longer worry or discriminate based on these fictional boundaries – you just approach people and interact with them in the moment, without prejudice.

Once we put less focus and emphasis on these fictional social hierarchies, everyone becomes a potential friend. And that can be a really powerful thing.